Looks like she was right, Google is your friend :-)

I’ve been to an online forum and someone suggested I Google - McCall v McCall case.

I found some seriously useful bits of information in here as this particularly outlines what is the best interest of the children and has me feeling confident about my reasons for wanting custody.

As it was pointed out on this forum, the case cannot be based on her infidelities, but rather, and an always overriding, is it in the best interest of the children.

The links are listed below:

Friday Newsletter Issue 18*
File Format: Microsoft Word - View as HTML
In the case of AD and Another v DW and Others 4 the Court had to look at the best interest of a baby girl who was ... 1 McCall v McCall 1994 (3) SA 201 (c) ...
www.childlawsa.com/docs/lab/issue%2019%20best%20interests.doc - Similar pages

The Centre for Child Law
Townsend-Turner and Another v Morrow 2004 (2) SA 32 (C) View ... McCall v McCall 1994 (3) SA 201 (C) – also see best interest View; B v M 2006 (9) BCLR 1034 ...
www.childlawsa.com/family.html - 28k - Cached - Similar pages
More results from www.childlawsa.com »

Below I have also copied an article I found also rather informative. It discusses challenges/ prejudices fathers face in wanting to be more involved in the children’s lives. It does look like the road ahead is going to be long, hard and challenging. It is therefore important to keep the ultimate goal in mind… I am doing this for my children’s wellbeing. Often, when things become difficult, it is easy to end up questioning yourself, your motives, your abilities… for this reason, I am grateful for my support structures… Thank you all …


No 27
Child, Youth, Family and Social Development
Human Sciences Research Council
November 2006
The Fatherhood Project
NEWSLETTER
HSRC
Father's rights of access to
children
Although it has been documented that some fathers are
absent in the lives of their children as a result of
abandonment, there are still some fathers out there who
really want to be with their children and care for them.
However, a number of them have been alienated from
their children not out of their own choice, but as a
result of painful custody battles in a judicial system
that seems to favour the mother of the children.
In this issue we look at the struggles of fathers who
want to be with their children and discuss tips for
fathers seeking physical custody of their children.
Fathers don’t stand a chance:
experiences of custody, access
and maintenance by Grace Khunou
‘Fathers are not interested in their children especially
when they do not marry their mothers.’ This is the kind
of statement one hears in the corridors of the
maintenance courts, in taxis and in general
conversation between men and women in the streets of
Johannesburg.
It may come as a surprise, but many fathers – divorced,
unmarried, and single – love their children and want to
spend as much time as possible with them.
Unfortunately, courts and law enforcers often overlook
this and treat fathers simply as providers of financial
support and discipline.
A particular conception of father – as a provider – has
influenced the direction of social policy on families.
Ideas about fatherhood have changed in the last 30
years and, particularly in the developed world, the
engagement of fathers with young children has been
encouraged. Fathers in many parts of the world are no
longer seen only as providers. The affective side of
fathering has become much more important, especially
for middle-class fathers for whom the challenge of
financial provision is not acute.
In spite of this, the law has not kept up with the
fatherhood revolution. The conception of fatherhood
in South Africa and other southern African countries
was strongly, but not exclusively, influenced by the
British legal system. Roman-Dutch and English
common law have both left their mark although, in
South Africa, customary law has also played a role.
Legally fathers have long stood in a dominant position
with regard to their families and their legitimate
children, in particular. According to both British and
customary law, custody arrangements later came to
favour the mother. However, with the introduction of
the child welfare principle in the late 1800s, came the
legal demand for fathers to pay maintenance, which
was argued to be based on structural economic
inequalities. Maintenance payment was not directly
linked to the question of the father’s access to his
children and this was negotiated at the time of divorce
through courts.
While the media frequently highlight the shortcomings
of fathers in meeting maintenance payments and in
retaining links with their children, the fathers in this
study expressed acute frustration concerning the
obstacles placed in their way by their ex-partners and
by the legal processes.
The fathers interviewed have all attempted to gain
increased access to their children. This has in some
cases involved litigation, which most have experienced
as stressful and painful process that has damaged their
relationships with their ex-partners. But this is one of
Jacob Ngunyi Wambugu The Fatherhood Project Coordinator, CYFSD HSRC
Postal Address: Private Bag X07, DALBRIDGE 4014, South Africa
Delivery Address: Intuthuko Junction, 750 Francois Road, Durban
Telephone: +27-31-242-5520 Fax: +27-31-242-5555
Email: jwambugu@hsrc.ac.za or abhana@hsrc.ac.za
Professor Arvin Bhana Project Leader: HSRC
Jenny Gordon
the strategies that the fathers have been forced to adopt
in order to gain access to their children.
Eric, one of the fathers who was accused of abusing his
daughter, went through a long process of investigation
to finally get access. The procedure included the
intervention of psychologists, judges, social workers
and it took place over a long period of time. What was
common with this case and with the experience of
litigation more generally, is the assumption that fathers
are irresponsible and uncaring unless they prove the
opposite. Eric had this to say:
And the accusations, I mean they were rubbish. You
know there is no come back on her, it ‘s only me that
can go to jail if I do something wrong, but she can just
accuse, accuse, accuse, with no truth. And nothing
happens to her. Nothing! And it costs me money, time
and pain to go to the lawyers, to write a letter, to
defend myself against the lying. Not for her to prove
that I’m guilty. She can just say any rubbish she wants
to and people believe it.
Almost all of the men I interviewed argued that they do
not stand a chance because women are never suspected
of lying and are given the benefit of the doubt. On the
other hand, the honesty of the fathers is always
questioned in a way that, over the long term,
undermines their confidence in their parenting
capacity. The general portrayal of men as abusive by
the media and society in general leaves most of these
fathers feeling unsure of themselves. George another
father, had this to say:
Now you know that, I know that, and every judge
knows that. Yet my attorneys said to me you dare lay
charges against her for assault or for anything else, let
it go, because if you do anything you will be seen to be
the aggressor and ultimately it would be used against
you. And I know that. It just happens time and time
again. We do not stand a chance. We do not. As a man,
as a father in this country you have no chance
whatsoever.
Family laws that take into account the capabilities and
interests of fathers should not be damaging to feminist
gains, yet there has been some resistance over the years
to including fathers in the lives of their children. In the
1980s, calling into question the credentials of fathers
was considered by some as contributing to the feminist
campaign against the patriarchal dominance of women.
Making allegations of sexual abuse and violence during
access and custody cases was this considered a
legitimate, politically inspired move. Bitter
maintenance disputes still feature in such allegations,
as well as male counter-allegations of mothers not
being fit to care for their children. Without exception,
such disputes have a detrimental effect on the
relationship between children and their fathers.
The fathers in this study were, for the most part, very
keen to have frequent contact with their children. They
did not see their obligation as fathers ending with
paying maintenance. Being a provider was only part of
their fatherhood role. They wanted to be integrally
involved in the upbringing of their children.
The experience of paying maintenance for a majority of
these fathers made them actually realize that they were
not an integral part of their children’s lives.
Fathers are unhappy to have their roles reduced to
birthday playmates for their children. Although all of
them agreed that they played with their children and
wanted to be with them on birthdays and special days,
this was not enough. They all felt it was important to
be involved more in their children’s daily lives and that
the access arrangements they had were making it
difficult.
Adapted from the book Baba: Men and Fatherhood in
South Africa.
Critical Success Factors for
Fathers Seeking Physical
Custody of Their Children
by Alan Swanson
The success factors that Alan Swanson listed below
can make all the difference in the world in a custody
dispute.
Jacob Ngunyi Wambugu The Fatherhood Project Coordinator, CYFSD HSRC
Postal Address: Private Bag X07, DALBRIDGE 4014, South Africa
Delivery Address: Intuthuko Junction, 750 Francois Road, Durban
Telephone: +27-31-242-5520 Fax: +27-31-242-5555
Email: jwambugu@hsrc.ac.za or abhana@hsrc.ac.za
Professor Arvin Bhana Project Leader: HSRC
Jenny Gordon
Choosing the right lawyer
Believe it or not, this I feel this was decision played an
enormous role in helping me get physical custody of
my son. Never having done this before, but having
talked to several family attorneys, I made one primary
decision that drove my selection process: I must retain
a female attorney. I know that there are probably many
good male attorneys practicing family law, but the ones
I talked to were not in this group. I discovered during
my attorney selection process that female family
attorneys inherently had a greater understanding of the
nuances of family law and that they were much more
skilled at making a case for me to have custody.
Keeping complete records and documentation
I did not have a full-blown journal available at the time
I decided to pursue custody of my son. But I did have
mass quantities of receipts, personal organizer entries
(which denoted weekends I had visitations), credit card
bills, cancelled checks, and other paper trails. I spent
about a month's worth of evenings of organizing this
information into a chronological testimony of my
commitment to being a responsible parent to my son. I
ended up creating a 50-page journal of information
within a Lotus 1-2-3 spreadsheet that I could easily sort
and print based on several sets of criteria. When I
tallied up all of the money I spent on things my ex-wife
was supposed to have provided (i.e. haircuts, clothes,
school supplies, etc.) as well as all of the miles I drove
to see Brandon (480 miles per weekend) and the
number of days I opted to take visitation with Brandon
(over 100 days per year), the numbers spoke for
themselves. Needless to say, when we entered this into
exhibit during the modification trial, the opposing
attorney could do little but attempt to deride my journal
as “copious notes”.
Petitioning for Custodial / Parental Evaluations
Yes, it cost me a lot of money (approximately $2400)
and the experience is humiliating (a good psychologist
can see right through you). But the effort is well worth
your time. Getting the nod of approval from our court
appointed psychologist put my attorney at great ease
before our trial. According to my attorney, the courts
typically agree 90% of the time with the decision of the
evaluators with regard to physical placement of
children.
Talking to Your Children's Neighbors on a Regular
Basis
If your situation is similar to mine (you suspect some
no-good is going down in the home of your children) a
couple of reliable eyewitnesses can really help your
case. In my situation, I knew that something had gone
down with Charles' kids when they abruptly ended
their visit in the middle of the summer. I retained a
detective to investigate, but the most of the information
I obtained came when I asked a couple of the
neighbours about what they knew. I found out that
Charles had struck his oldest son in the side of the head
during a heated argument after he claimed he couldn’t
be biologically related to Charles. The boy felt
compelled to seek refuge with juvenile authorities until
mom could pick him up. This information helped
greatly during depositions, custodial evaluations, and
the modification trial. It helped the courts to realize the
level of instability and hostility my son was being
faced with in his home.
Being Actively Involved in Your Children's
Education
I had been to every school conference and planning
session held for Brandon. I had also made my own
notes about work I did with Brandon during his visits
with me, which I shared with his teachers. The real
break came when my ex-wife agreed to allow me to
retain one of Brandon's pre-school teachers to come
into his home during the summer of 1996 to provide
him with some additional tutoring. This provided
several opportunities for an unbiased source to observe
his miserable home life. I was surprised, I actually got
this teacher to come to the modification hearing and
testify on my behalf. I think she was motivated out of
fear of Charles and her own convictions that my son
should not be left in his care. Nonetheless, she did
show up and testify for Brandon's sake. This was a big,
big help.
Having the Right Judge Assigned to Your Case
My attorney had a very, very good feel for each of the
six district court judges who presided over the family
courts. She also knew what reasoning and motivations
each judge had in making decisions on child custody
cases like mine. My attorney told me that there was one
particular judge that we wanted, and we were lucky
enough to get him appointed to our case (I'm not sure
how this is done, but it is probably a combination of
timing and luck of the draw). Judges, my attorney told
me, more often than not make custody decisions using
their own common sense and discretion, and then look
to the evidence and the law to back up their decision.
Jacob Ngunyi Wambugu The Fatherhood Project Coordinator, CYFSD HSRC
Postal Address: Private Bag X07, DALBRIDGE 4014, South Africa
Delivery Address: Intuthuko Junction, 750 Francois Road, Durban
Telephone: +27-31-242-5520 Fax: +27-31-242-5555
Email: jwambugu@hsrc.ac.za or abhana@hsrc.ac.za
Professor Arvin Bhana Project Leader: HSRC
Jenny Gordon
Never Lose Your Temper
I have pretty good control of my temper, and so I was
able to get through this difficult period without losing
my cool. The only time I came close was when Charles
suggested that I pay for his smoking cessation classes
after I asked my ex-wife for the millionth time to not
allow him to smoke in front of Brandon. I think the
importance of not losing your temper cannot be over
emphasized. You do not want to have to have the
courts and the judges hear about the times you lost it in
front of your ex-wife or children, even if you were the
victim of the situation or circumstances.
Running Your Custody Action Without a Budget
If you seek custody of your children, I am sure that you
have good reasons for wanting to raise them yourself.
Why put their future developments at risk? Spend the
money to have those depositions, parental evaluations,
and other investigative work done. Your kids will
thank you for it as adults!
Compile a Photo Album for an Exhibit
I do not know for sure if doing this helped my case or
not (no mention of it is made in the final ruling), but I
did compile and submit into evidence a series of
photographs I took over the course of two years of
visitations with Brandon to show the quality of his
home life with me. I also took photographs of the
section-8 apartments and trailer homes that he had
lived in with his mother during the same period.
Video and Audio Evidence
Like something out of a cheap detective story, I bought
and wore a wire while I was in contact with my ex-wife
and Charles. When Charles confronted me about
calling in Child Protection Services, he was quite
verbally abusive to me, and Brandon was present. My
attorney used a transcript from the tape I made to
successfully demonstrate that Charles possessed a
hostile and uncaring disposition toward Brandon and
me. While the transcript was useful for this purpose,
the judge was not completely impressed with my
tactics. He noted this in his final ruling, implying that
he took all such evidence with a grain of salt since it
was very easy for the wire bearer to bait the other party
in to losing their temper while the tape was running. I
recommend wearing a wire anytime things are less then
friendly with you and your ex-wife or ex-girlfriend,
only to refute any accusation that you acted less than
calm around them. Just be sure to transcribe the tapes
or videos you plan to use, as most courts probably
won't listen or watch the originals due to time
constraints. For more information visit:
http://www.deltabravo.net/guide/
Fathers-4-Justice South Africa
by Dr. Steven Pretorius
Fathers-4-Justice South Africa is a member-based nonprofit-
organization whose mission is to educate the
South African public about the injustices inflicted on
children and parents (mostly fathers) by the current
family law system and about better ways of managing
the divorce-access-custody system through shared and
equal parenting. We advocate for shared parenting with
equal parenting rights and responsibilities.
We believe children have the right to and the need for
BOTH of their parents. We envision a social system
where the “custody battle” is the exception, not the
rule. We offer help and hope to children, fathers, and
their families. If you share this vision, join us.
Together, we will make it happen.
• If you are divorced or separated with little or
no access or contact with your children,
• If you are a child deprived of contact with a
parent,
• If you are an unmarried parent and your rights
are denied,
• If you are a grandparent denied meaningful
contact with your grandchildren as a result of
a bitter divorce,
• If you feel you’ve had an unfair deal as
regards your children in divorce proceedings,
• If you have received unprofessional help from
the experts,
• If you are being ignored by the authorities, or
• If you simply wish to support our stated aims
and ambitions,
Please join us and help us continue our fight for your
children. Dr. Steven Pretorius is the founder and
chairman of the Fathers-4-justice South Africa
Contact details: steven@f4j.co.za
www.f4j.co.za