So I am back at work after a few weeks leave. Spent a whole week with my kids which was really awsome. I knew I missed them, just did not know how much:-(
Last week we were suppsoed to appear in court as I filed for the Rule 43 as my STBX has been dragging her feet, probably because I am fighting for custody. A day before the court date, her lawyer calls mine stating they are going to go aheead with my requests... the next day... back to dragging her feet....
The funny thing is, as much as I thought I was over her, lately I can' t stop thinking of her and really missing her. I asked myself if its not just the idea of what once was? I ask myself that after all of her infedelities can I trust her no I can' t, so why then do I miss her so much....
I am trying my best to remain positive and focused on the things that are in my control, but finding it difficult because she keeps running around in my mind...
I guess this is just one of those many phases one goes through... I know it will pass, I know there is now way that I will ever trust her so any sort of relationship with her is out of the question.
Typing this post I am suddenly feeling anger build up for what she has done... guess I did not truely forgive her either... Does anyone know where that Divorce Manuel is... please pass it on :-)
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There are no Manuals on Love, Divorce, Marraige and things like that. It's part of growing and maturing. And making mistakes and rectifying them and so we learn. This journey that you are going through is NOT easy but the support structure that you have helps make it easier.
ReplyDeleteYes you might not understand why you are missing her but the thing is, you shared wonderful memories and beautiful sons. It's not easy to forget things like that! It happens. This is part of the healing process. You have to deal with it step by step.