I am reminded...

So, we are coming to the end of the year…

Loads of holidays coming up, festivities and so one and traditionally a time spent with family. I am saddened that I am in the situation I am in, but also realise that I cannot change it.

I am also extremely frustrated by the fact that not much is going to be happening about the divorce until at least the end of January 2009. These frustrations make it extremely easy to slip into a depressed state. On Friday, I saw T again, and again, I am so blessed to have both T & Z in my life as support. Divorce is an extremely stressful and emotional time and again, I cannot emphasise enough the importance of have a really good support structure in place for yourself.

I am learning that divorce brings with it many negative emotions. Some of these emotions can cause stress that will interfere in our ability to function in our every day lives. The biggest favour you can do yourself is to learn how to relax, let go of the stress and just let the "chips fall." Focus more on keeping yourself active, healthy and moving forward instead of staying stuck.

What has been working for me is:
• Pay attention to your emotional needs
• Keep yourself physically fit. Stay as active as possible by keeping a regular exercise routine. Nothing helps our emotions bounce back better than physical activity. It will help in relieving tense, anger and anxiety.
• Nurture you emotionally and physically. Read a good book, get plenty of rest, take a hot bath, develop a new hobby, eat healthy and nutritious foods, and surround yourself with positive people. Put effort into living a lifestyle that will promote feelings of good self-worth.
• Let go of problems that are beyond your control. If you are faced with an uncomfortable or painful situation learn to let it go, take some time to figure out what is best for you and then come back to it. Stay focused on what you have control over and let go of the rest.
• Give yourself permission to feel. Emotions are normal, whether they are negative or positive emotions. What we do with the emotions we are feeling plays a big role in the quality of life we experience. Avoid destructive activities such as drinking or drugs when trying to deal with your feelings. Don't allow your feelings to cause you to seek revenge, play the victim or become abusive. If you are hurt or angry, it is best to find someone safe to vent to and get those feelings out.
• Don't make any hasty decisions. When you are living through a highly stressful situation any decisions or changes to your life should not be made until you have thought of all the consequences. Take time to think things through and thoroughly weigh all your options.
• Be sure to make time for fun. Remember to laugh and play. Maintain a close circle of friends and socialize often. Do not isolate yourself from others.
• Let go and move on. Take the time needed to heal from the divorce and those feelings of loss. Try to look inward and own your responsibility in the problems that led to divorce. Forgive yourself and your spouse and don’t let the issues from this marriage follow you into new relationships.

Yeah, instinctively it is easier said than done and I promise that these steps can become a religion to you, but the wheels will still fall off every once in a while, guess why? WE ARE HUMAN AFTER ALL! Hey, with all of my positive thinking I have my bad days too… that is why it is important to pay attention to your emotion…

When you don't feel like doing what you know you must, that's the best time to go ahead and do it anyway. That's when you can break through your old habitual patterns to a new level of focus, performance and achievement.
That first step will require you to go against your natural tendency to put it off until later and to stay comfortably where you are. So how do you get beyond that?
Many times you have successfully avoided action by telling yourself why you can't or why you won't. Now, choose to use that same power to tell yourself why you can and why you will. You control the awesome power of your thoughts. And with your thoughts you can successfully visualize yourself into action every time.