The Last week in a nutshell

Last week was an extreme low for me. I missed my children so much, been crying myself to sleep, and missing putting them to bed, bathing them, all that sort of thing.

Found that I could not sleep much, would dream of them calling for me and I’d wake up and poof, no sleep for the rest of the night.

The Soon To Be X (STBX) has also had a really shitty attitude. Her arrogance has become disgusting. Friday when I called to speak to my boys; keep in mind she stipulated when I could call, she was out with them and refused to tell me (she always needs to know where I’m going and wants to drop on a bunch of rules); all I could here was this barking puppy in the background. Do you think I can compete to a 4 & 2 year olds attention over the telephone with a puppy in the background…. HELL NO!!!!

I tried speaking to her asking when I could call to have their undivided attention and I got a I can’t hear you… so I speak up, I get you obviously upset, call me when you feeling better…. Uuuurrrgggghhhh she could here me just fine….

I also got a letter stating that she would take legal action if I do not stop speaking to our eldest about the divorce…. Here is the thing,

When we went to an Imaam to initiate the divorce proceedings according to Islamic Law, she brought the kids with her… don’t ask me why… when we left their our eldest left with me. He asked what that was about and I explained to him. He asked me about Mr X, Mr Y, Mr Z and I told him. I have always told her that I will not lie to the children to cover up for her. Our eldest son is 13 years old… he is not a dummy… he also has a right to know. Hey, I was one of those kids who blamed myself for my parents divorce… I’m not gonna have him grow up thinking that.

Anyways, a whole lot of negative energies last week had me in a real downer… I took some time out… reflecting gets easier the more you do it…. And looked at what was in my control vs. out of my control. I started dealing with things in my control and immediately started feeling better. The weekend with my kids was awesome. I really enjoyed them and by there laughter so did they.

I also realised that I was giving her power every time I let her little games get to me and I just told myself NO MORE!!!! I am taking back my power!!!!

Things have been good since Friday evening. I am focused again, enjoyed the kids and the negative vibes of this week, have just been vibes… they not getting the better of me.

It is not always easy staying positive and focused, we are human and as I have said before, we have these things called emotions. Some days are good, others bad… what will make us great, is how we deal with those bad days.

Be strong, deal with those in your control… get alternative solutions for those out of your control… the rest becomes easy