I'm in a downer again today :-(

I miss my kids so much and I am angry about the fact that the X is so cruel by limiting my access tomy children the way she does.

I'm not informed about Dr's visits, I see my kids for 3 hours a day twice a week. Her arrogance about the whole situation is sickening. Sometimes I wonder if it is arrogance or just a lack of understanding the impact her actions have.

She is dragging this divorce out, it is something she wanted, and now it seems as though she doesn't. One day she is nice to me, the next a total bitch!!!!!uuuuurrrrggghhhhhh!!!!!!!

The last couple of days have been extremely difficult emotionally. I miss my kids, I love them so much, I miss being there to hold them when they wake up because of a nightmare. I miss picking them up off the floor in the middle of the night because they fell out of bed... bathing them, cleaning up the vomit after they have been ill...

I'm starting to feel the anger build up, and I am considering retaliation. No, not thinking of becoming violent... but she wants to play nasty, do I stoop to that level...

There is so much I can play nasty on, but it is not really in my nature...

All I want for XMAS is this whole circus to be finished and have my kids with me.

Staying positive is so much hard work and yeah I guess, the fruits of a struggle is ultimate joy... dammit, this struggle is going on for more than a year now...

OK, so, what can I do.... how do I stay focussed.... guess Dory (Finding Nemo) said it best... "Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming"